Message No : 3Sr.No : 316/725
Question By : Muhammad Umar

Bismillah-ir-rahman-nir-raheem

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu

I hope this mail reaches you in the best of health and high imaan. Ameen

I am seeking some guidance and advice as to a very difficult situation that I am in.

Briefly, I am a Sikh revert. I reverted to Islam over 3 years ago. Initially, I did not tell my family due to fear but as my imaan strengthened I decided to tell my family over 1 year ago. Initially, I do not think that they believed me and were in denial.

When I approached my parents that I wanted to get married as I had found a prospective Muslim partner they started to take me more seriously. I have known this girl for nearly 9 years as I met her initially at university when I was 19years old and I am now nearly 28 years old. It was through this
girl that I was introduced to Islam, she gave me dawah and it was through her that I left drinking alcohol in 1997. I lost contact with this girl for a long while after completion of university and it was during this period that I reverted to Islam.

I became in touch with her again unexpectedly a couple of years ago and informed her of my reversion. Because we had known each other so long through university etc and she had been the initial spark for showing me Islam we thought we would try and pursue marriage through our respective families. Although we wanted to get married we never had a physical relationship and kept ourselves safe from the sin of fornication etc. At this point I clearly wish to emphasise that my conversion was for the sake of Allah (swt) alone and not for any worldly aims such as marriage.

After much persuasion my mother met the girl individually then she later met the girl's family. Initial meeting with the girl proved to be ok and my mother seemed to be quite keen on her as a person and said that she would overlook the fact that she was Muslim as long as I was happy.

My mother then met the girls family. This meeting was unfortunate and did not go very well. The girl herself is practising Muslim but some of the members of her family are not and they made their views clear to my mother that they donˇŻt like the situation and cannot understand it. Her father was not really for it and did not attend the meeting. Her mother seems to be for it and came. Some of her sisters/brother are for it and some are against it. There reasons for not being for it are primarily racist and they are worried about society's views.

My mom came away from this meeting and all the persuasion I had done to get her to that stage was blown away in one swoop. She blamed me for sending her on a wild-goose chase for something which she did not want to do but was only doing as she thought the girl was nice and that her family were in agreement. As they were not my mom said I had embarrassed her as it made it look like she was trying to convince them, yet I was the one in her eyes who had done all the sacrificing by becoming Muslim.

From that time basically, my mother has been very hostile towards me and towards Islam. For example, if I leave an Islamic book or cassette on my book-shelf and go out to work or whatever, she will throw it in the bin or give it away to the local library or charity. She also criticises Islam
and Muslims at every opportunity calling the Prophet (saw) a strange person (astaghfirullah) for marrying a young girl, a war-monger, why did he take so many wives, etc. She calls all Muslims terrorists and whenever I am going out I get nagged by her and my sister that I should not go to the
mosque and that I should stay away from Muslims as they are low lifes.

The girl and I would still like to get married and some members of her family have softened slightly in there opinion of me and reverts in general, although most of them would still be happy if I just left well alone and stayed away.

The difficulties are:

My father had a stroke, before my reversion and he is now not working, has a speech problem and generally I am needed at home to help them financially and also with household chores as my father cannot drive, work or do much around the home. I am an only son.

If I moved out, my parents will blame Islam as everything I do or say they think that Islam is behind it. For example, when we discuss religion, they say Islam has made me argumentative even though all I do is question them regarding there Sikh beliefs and try and explain where I found that Sikhism had some weak points or lacked answers.

My family say that if I would have remained Sikh and got married to a Sikh girl I would never have moved out and it is a result of being brainwashed by the girl's family and the girl that I am moving out.

They say that I am some mad mullah and even born-Muslims like most of the girl's family who I want to marry do not practise Islam so why am I making such a fuss.

I am worried as to what sort of relationship, if any, there will be between my family and the girl and her family given my family's now open hatred of Islam and Muslims.

My conversion, beliefs and practises now are all attributed to me being brainwashed by the girl and her family and they think that if they convince me out of trying to marry the girl then gradually I will return to Sikhism (Allah's (swt) refuge is sought from that).

If I move out they will blame the girl, her family and Islam for turning me against them as by and large Sikh youth tend to stay at home after marriage unless there are more than one son.

I have tried to be nice, friendly, co-operative and help in terms of finances, grocery shopping, household chores etc for the past 3 years but even that does not appear to have convinced them that my reversion has been for the better of me as a person. Prior to my reversion I would not be as helpful as I used to go out with friends until the early hours partying etc

In this atmosphere, I want to know how I can possibly try and give my family dawah and address their negative perceptions of Islam and the Prophet (saw) and whether I should stay or move out.

Should I pursue marriage with the girl in question as I am unlikely to find such a receptive girl to my situation and with the state of Muslims today it is hard to find a family that even moderately tolerates reverts. I believe the girl herself is God-fearing and I do believe she will be good for me as a wife, good mother to my children and be good at giving dawah to my family.

My only other alternatives at this stage are not to marry at all until my parents come round which may be never or to marry a Sikh girl which would make them happy but would be against tenets of Islam.
Please advise me how to give them dawah as they have specific issues against Islam such as plygamy, Prophet's (saw) marriage to Aisha (ra), terror etc. I have pointed out that earlier Prophets(as) like Suleman (as), Ibrahim (as) and Daud (as) had many more wives and even hundreds and thousands of wives. Then they say that Prophet (saw) married a child and so did his
companions (ra). How should I address this?

I've also tried to talk to them re: Sikhism and how they believe in one God but that they have many issues and I have got some joy on that but still they are very stubborn.

Please advise me as to the best course of action in this matter inshallah.
Please make dua for my family's guidance away from Sikhism and towards Islam. Ameen.

wasalam

Muhammad Umar

 

Reply By : Mohd. Shihabuddin Qasmi
Designation : Mufti, ODI, MMERC, Mumbai 

In the name of Allah, All Gracious, All Merciful
Wa Alaikumussalam
Dear Brother in Islam,
The answer to your question is as follows:

Islam has put a great emphasis on the obedience of parents and enjoined on man to be good towards them. The obedience of parents has been stated along with the obedience of Allah Subhanahu Wa TaˇŻala in numerous verses of the Glorious QurˇŻan and the Ahadith of the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAWS). The Glorious QurˇŻan says, ˇ°And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is the journeyingˇ±. (Suratu Luqmaan: 31/14)

But the obedience of parents is unlawful when it leads to the disobedience of Allah Subhanahu Wa TaˇŻala. The Glorious QurˇŻan says, ˇ°But if they strive with you to make you ascribe unto Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Consort with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who repented to Me. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to doˇ±. (Suratu Luqmaan: 31/15)

Allah Subhanahu Wa TaˇŻala has forbidden man in the above-mentioned verse to obey the orders of his parents when they contradict Islamic teachings, but asked him to show respect to them, serve and support them financially whenever they are in need of it.

Therefore, you are not permitted to obey your parents and marry a Sikh girl. Because you are blessed with Islam and a Muslim is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim girl. Allah Subhanahu Wa TaˇŻala says in the Glorious QurˇŻan, ˇ°ˇ­they are not lawful for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful for themˇ­ˇ± (Suratul Mumtahinah: 60/10)

Dear Brother, I would suggest you that if the girl referred to above-mentioned question seems good to you and she as well as her family members agree to your proposal then arrange a separate house and marry her. But after all you have to be kind and helpful to your parents in terms of finance and service. Invite them to Islam with wisdom and your beautiful and friendly manner. Provide them with the translation of the Glorious QurˇŻan and other Islamic books and literatures. Never argue with them in religious matters and ignore all the questions and criticisms they make about Islam and Muslims. The more they study Islamic books, the better they will understand Islam. May Allah guide them towards the true religion, Ameen!

And Allah knows the b

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